How Can You Miss Something You Never Had?
by nuttynic12
Summary: How long can Martha keep her secret from the Doctor?
1. Chapter 1

Martha starred. She just starred. Straight at it. The object in her hands. One little blue line, clearly shown. As clearly shown as the other five little blue lines she had seen before. This was her sixth test. Just to be completely sure, that she wasn't imagining what she saw. That it was for real.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._ Martha thought in her head. She dropped the test into the bin, and walked out of the bathroom, and sat on the bed. _What the hell do I do now?_ Suddenly the Doctor came bursting into the room.

"Helloooo my lovely. What you doing?" He asked, sitting down next to Martha.

"Erm, just, erm, thinking."

"What about?" The Doctor asked.

"Nothing in particular."

"Oh right, I need to use the bathroom." The Doctor began to stand up.

"NO!" Martha screamed at him. "I mean, I was here first darling." She smiled, and quickly walked into the bathroom.

Locking the door behind her, she moved so that she was stood with her back against the door. Martha looked at the pregnancy tests in the bin. She needed to get rid of them. Quickly. Pacing the bathroom, she tried to come up with a way, of getting the tests out of the bin, without the Doctor noticing them. She picked up a towel from the floor. _Th_at _shouldn't be there_, she thought. And then, it came to her.

Towel in hand, she moved over to the toilet, and flushed it. She then went to the waste bin, sat down, and laid the towel out on the floor. Martha then started to move the pregnancy tests out of the bin, and onto the towel. She messily wrapped them up in the towel, and then went to get more washing out of the wash basket. Collecting a few towels, she pushed the together, checked to see that no tests were on show, and quickly walked out of the bathroom. The Doctor was waiting for her.

"Alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine. Just going to do some washing."

"Oh, could you do a couple of shirts please?" The Doctor asked her, he then went to collect some from the wash box.

"Erm, next wash yeah, but this is a towel only." Stopping the Doctor from saying anything else, she rushed out of the bedroom. Now all she had to do was get rid of the tests.

She walked quickly into the kitchen, and got out a plastic carrier bag from the cupboard. She then shook the towels so the pregnancy tests flew out. Falling to the floor, Martha shoved all the tests into the bag. She then put the washing in the washing machine, turned it on, and yelled out to the Doctor.

"I'M JUST GOING OUTSIDE FOR A SECOND!" Martha was half way out of the Tardis door when he replied.

"WHAT?" The Doctor yelled back.

Martha didn't have time to chat, she walked out of the Tardis, and looked around for a nearby bin. There was none in sight. She walked a little bit further, passing kids walking to school. Children's excited voices filled the air, as they told their parents about their friends, and about the school day ahead. Martha's heart sank. She would have to decide, if she wanted that. A child. Someone to bring up. But in all this madness? With the Doctor? What would he say? These were the questions running through Martha's mind, ever since the first test said positive. The questions were still unanswered.

As Martha walked on, in the distance, she could see a bin. She continued to walk towards it. When she arrived, she threw the bag in the bin, and began to walk back to the Tardis.

The Doctor walked out of the bedroom, looking around, he couldn't see or hear Martha. She said something about going out, but he didn't quite catch it.

Walking over to the kitchen, he boiled the kettle, and made himself a cup of tea. As he finished pouring his own drink, he made a cup of tea for Martha.

Martha walked into the Tardis, and headed towards the kitchen. A cup of tea greeted her. She smiled at the Doctor.

"So, were did you go?" He asked. "You seemed in a bit of a rush?"

"Did I? I just went out for a walk, I felt a bit cooped up, and just wanted to get out for a bit."

The Doctor saw right through Martha's lie. She was not a good liar. But, all in time, she would tell him what was going on, and if it wasn't soon, then he was going to ask her. He let it pass.

"Oh right, fair enough."

Martha smiled. "I'm going for a lie-down." She walked out of the kitchen, and into the bedroom. She laid down for a few moments, and began to think about the decision she had to make. She was pregnant. She could keep it, or otherwise. Either way, the Doctor would have to know. It was his child. She was sure of that.

Subconsciously, her hand was on her stomach. She looked down. How could she get rid of it? When she had already formed an attachment to the baby. It was apart of her now. How could she get rid of something that was a part of her? It was then, that she knew her decision. She was going to have this baby.

Martha got off the bed, and walked to the kitchen, tea in hand. She could hear the Doctor doing something in the kitchen. When she entered the kitchen, he was stood, innocently eating a bowl of cereal. Martha looked beside him, and saw a box of coco pops.

The Doctor looked up.

"What?" He asked, innocently.

"Coco-pops? You are such a child!" Martha smiled at the word child.

"Wellll, you know what I'm like. I'm just a big kid."

"That you are." Martha replied. "Right, I think I'm going to have a bath. I'll be an hour or so."

"Okay." The Doctor replied. Martha walked out of the kitchen. He heard the bathroom door close behind her.

The Doctor finished his cereal, careful to drink all the milk from the bowl, without getting any on his tie. He placed the bowl on the side, put the cereal in the cupboard, and walked over to the dishwasher. As he put the bowl in the dishwasher, something small and white caught his eye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry it's taken me sooo long to upload this. I fail. I hope you like it. Tbh, i'm not that much of a big fan of this chapter. But, it will get better, hopefully. I'm going to start the next chapter like NOW, and hopefully it will be up ASAP :) Thanks for reading! :D**

The Doctor bent down. He starred, shocked. He knew immediately what it was. A pregnancy test. And there was only one person, who would of taken it. After the Doctor had gotten over the shock of the pregnancy test, he picked it up, and looked at it carefully. He had never seen one before, but knew about them. He had read about pregnancies in books, and knew exactly what that little blue line meant.

A wide grin spread across the Doctor's face, as he realized, that Martha was pregnant. A feeling of happiness filled his body. He leaned against the work top, keeping himself stood up. Even though, this was supposed to be a happy time, the Doctor was thrilled, but part of him knew it soon wouldn't be. But, for now, he was more concerned about why Martha had kept such a thing from him.

Martha dried herself, and changed into some jogging pants, a vest top, and a hoody. Comfy clothes. As she got dressed, she thought about how she was going to tell the Doctor. He had to know. Eventually, when the normal things that go with being pregnant, such as the morning sickness, weird cravings and being just that little bit bigger arrived, she wouldn't be able to hide it. He knew about stuff like this, and would soon figure it out for himself. It would be ten times worse if she had to tell him, and he already knew. She had to get it over and done with as soon as possible.

She walked out of the bedroom, and into the kitchen, to find the Doctor stood against a work bench, holding something in his hand. As the Doctor looked up to see Martha walking towards him, he swiftly moved the object into his trouser pocket.

"Alright?" The Doctor asked Martha, looking slightly shifty.

"Never been better thanks." Martha replied, trying to shake away the thought, of what she thought she saw. "Do we have any olives?" Martha asked the Doctor.

"Olives? You hate olives." The Doctor replied. "You say they have way to much salt in them, we never have olives."

"I know, but I have a sudden craving for them!" Martha walked over to the refrigerator, and on the top shelf, there was a small pot of olives. She picked them out, closed the door, and went over to stand next to the Doctor as she ate them.

"That's so weird."

"I know." As Martha ate her olives, she started to wonder why she was craving such a random, and horrible food. It was too soon surely to be craving anything? What else would she be craving? How did the Tardis know that she wanted olives? What was going on?

"Olives? It doesn't make any sense!" The Doctor exclaimed. "Are you okay? Is there something wrong with you? Do you feel a bit under the weather?" The Doctor fired questions at Martha, hoping she would give him the good news.

"Nope, I'm fine. It is suddenly illegal to want some olives?" Martha sarcastically replied.

The Doctor bent his head down, and stared at his converse. "No." He said, like a little school boy that had been told to stop doing something.

Martha put the olives on the side, and moved around to face the Doctor. The Doctor looked up slightly, and softly smiled. Martha smiled back, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Martha, I love you and all, but, your lips are so salty, it's untrue. How many of those have you had?"

Martha moved away, and looked over at the pot of nearly empty olives.

"Quite a few by the looks of it. I think that's my daily salt intake covered for today."

The Doctor laughed, and pulled Martha into a warm hug. A sea of guilt washed over Martha, as she thought about what she was keeping from the Doctor. He was her bestfriend, her soulmate, and she was keeping things from him. This especially, was something he needed to know. Martha snuggled into the Doctor further, and he tightened his grip around Martha a bit more.

"Fancy watching a film?" The Doctor whispered into Martha's hair.

"Yeah, okay." She replied, and they both walked into the living room.

The Doctor could feel Martha's heavy head on his chest. She had fallen asleep on him, halfway through the film. The Doctor smiled, and, instead on moving her, decided to leave her there, whilst he wanted the rest of the film. He looked around and found a blanket on the back of the couch. He carefully moved it over himself and Martha.

The Doctor woke a few hours later. He looked over at the clock on the mantel piece, that read 2:04. _Ahh._ The Doctor thought. He shifted slightly, and rubbed Martha gently on the arm.

"Martha, Martha wake up." He said softly.

Martha groaned and yawned. "What time is it?" She asked.

"Five past two. I think we should go to bed, the couch isn't very comfy."

Martha groaned, and slowly got up, pushing the blanket off her and the Doctor. She stretched, and slowly walked out of the living room, half asleep. She could feel the Doctor behind her, following her to their bedroom.

Martha and the Doctor arrived at their bedroom. Martha undressed, leaving her clothes wherever they landed. She slipped her nightdress on, and climbed into bed, quickly followed by the Doctor.

"Night." The Doctor whispered. He then turned the light off.

"Night." Martha replied.

That night Martha tossed and turned, changed positions and moved the duet off, and put it back on. She was unable to get comfy, and get to sleep. It just wasn't happening. She looked over at her bedside clock. 5:05. Surely that wasn't to early to get up? She could do some cleaning, check her e-mail, and maybe, whilst the Doctor wasn't around, read about pregnancy? Being a Doctor, she knew the in's and out's, but still, there were other things she needed to know.

Martha slowly and carefully got out of bed, grabbed her dressing gown, and walked out into the kitchen.

The Doctor stirred, and slowly opened his eyes, feeling the empty space next to him, he looked at the clock on his bedside table, 5:10. Martha was suffering one of the symptoms of pregnancy, strange sleeping patterns. It was early days yet, but the Doctor knew that she would be sleeping during the day, and wide awake at night, because that's just the way it works when your pregnant with a half human, half timelord baby.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it took so long to upload, been busy and that. Not sure when I'm going to be able to post chapter 4, but I will! :) And this one is pretty short as well.**

Unable to get back to sleep, the Doctor threw of the covers, and headed for the shower. Fifteen minutes later, he ventured out of the shower, into the bedroom. He then dried himself, and dressed in his blue suit, complete with red tie.

He was growing more and more concerned about Martha. He was becoming less annoyed that she hadn't told him, and more worried. Martha had no idea about how tough the pregnancy was going to be. All the side effects. At least he could explain the olive craving now. She was going to have plenty more sleepless nights and alot of morning sickness, not to mention the other side effects that are unique to each mother and baby.

The Doctor was tossing with the idea of confronting Martha, but he wasn't sure. He didn't want it to come across as if Martha had been going behind her back, she wasn't. She was probably feeling scared and foolish, because in the end, this baby was a mistake, and they were both to blame for the lack of contraception. But, the Doctor knew Martha well enough, to know that she would keep the baby. Plus, were could she go anyway to have a half human, half timelord baby aborted.

The Doctor walked out of the bedroom, and went to the kitchen, were he found Martha eating some olives.

"You're up early." Martha stated, as she looked up from her bowl.

"Couldn't sleep." The Doctor replied.

"Same. You had a shower?"

"Yup."

"Ah. I'm still craving these damn olives, it's so annoying. I hate them, but I want them so bad!"

The Doctor laughed. "I'd be careful, to many olives will upset your stomach. And there is so much salt in them. It's not healthy."

"I know, I'm a doctor myself you know!" Martha gave the Doctor a cheeky smile.

"I know." The Doctor replied.

Martha put the olives down on the side, and went to get a glass of water. As she drank, the Doctor wondered if Martha was actually ever going to tell him about the baby. She was acting so normal. He wondered what she was like when she found out. He wished he had been with her, to share the excitement, but he wasn't.

The Doctor's thoughts were interrupted, as Martha's glass fell to the floor. Martha ran out of the kitchen, her hand over her mouth. The Doctor heard what sounded like a muffled, "I'm going to throw up." and quickly followed her to the bathroom. The door slammed as the Doctor entered the bedroom, and he sat on the bed, waiting for Martha to finish.

Martha sat by the toilet, just incase she wasn't finished. _Maybe I should slow down on the olives._ Martha thought. That's what she put it down to. Surely it was to early to be suffering from morning sickness. Martha stood up, and washed her face. A few minutes later she ventured out into the bedroom.

She found the Doctor lying on the bed, reading a magazine. She lied down next to him. Martha was about to speak, but the Doctor beat her.

"It's going to get worse you know." He said, calmly.

"What? My olive obsession?"

"That, and more."

"What? Doctor, what the hell are you talking about?" Martha asked.

The Doctor set his magazine on his bedside table, and turned to face her.

"You. You're going to feel a hell of a lot worse."

"I feel better right now? And aren't you meant to say something like, get well soon, or, you'll feel better in the morning?" Martha turned to face him.

"Nope, because I'd be lying." The Doctor replied, still in his calm voice.

"Doctor, I don't do guessing games. Please, tell me what you are talking about!"

"If your sure....."

"Just spit it out!" Martha replied inpatiimpatiently.

"I know."

"Jesus Christ! You know what?!"

"About the baby." The Doctor replied, completely calm. Martha however, wasn't.

"The - the b-b-b-baby? You- you know?"

"I do. I'll let it sink in a minute." The Doctor moved onto his back.

Martha hated it when he was like this. Smug. It annoyed her so much. But she had to give him some points there, he had handled it very well. Plus, he made Martha feel like a total idiot.

"Okay, it's sunk. How long?" Martha asked him.

The Doctor rolled back onto his side to face her. "Couple of days I guess. I found the test on the floor, by the washing machine, you missed it. Why didn't you tell me?" The Doctor asked, a sense of sadness in his voice.

"I, I don't know. It's not that I was scared, well I mean, I guess I was scared, it's a baby, who isn't scared when they find out their pregnant. But, it was just instinct, to just, get rid of everything. I guess as well, I felt stupid. We are both Doctors, well, near enough, this mistake shouldn't of happened."

"Yet, somehow, I'm glad it did." The Doctor smiled at Martha. She beamed back up at him.

"Me to." She replied.

"Come here you." The Doctor moved Martha closer to him, wrapping his arms around her. "We're having a baby." The Doctor smiled, kissing Martha's head gently. He felt her snuggle closer to him. Martha slowly began to close her eyes, and gently fell asleep, in the Doctor's arms.

The Doctor slowly moved Martha out of his embrace, so that she was lying down on her back. He moved the blanket from the bottom of the bed and settled it on her. He quietly walked out of the room, and into the study.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm so sorry for taking so long with chapter 4. I'm going to try and finish this story by the end of the month :-) This chapter is pretty short as well. I hope you enjoy! **

The Doctor looked at the computer screen. It was displaying a list of books that were currently in his library He had alot of books. Books on humans, books based on the solar system (fifty books on the solar system infact). There were books about mechanics, cooking and about five different editions of space travel for dummies. But there were none on half human half timelord babies.

In a way, the Doctor was half expecting it. He was the last in his race, and, well who but him was going to get a human pregnant anyway? If there was no-one else that could make a timelord baby, how was he expecting there to be a book about it.

The Doctor shut down his computer, and ventured into the library. He scanned the shelves up and down, up and down, just incase there was any sign of a book he knew wouldn't exist. That maybe there was a possibility that the computer had missed something, it hadn't been logged. But, there was still no sign of a book, on half human half timelord babies.

The Doctor gave up his search for the book, and began to think about ways that he could help. He wasn't sure what was going to be the outcome of this pregnancy, if there was even going to be one at all, but he had to keep his hopes up, for Martha in particular.

As the Doctor walked out of the library, and went to check on Martha, he noticed a door next to their bedroom, that wasn't normally there. Curious, he slowly walked towards it. As he opened the door, a wide grin spread across his face. It was a nursery. A small crib was in the center of the room, covered in teddy bears. The room was bright and pink, with little fairy patterns along the top of the wall. Suddenly, it occurred to the Doctor, that this child might be a boy. What would happen then? Surely little boys didn't like fairies. The Doctor walked around the room, taking in the detail, and smiling. It was perfect. And when the child was old enough, the room was big enough to be redecorated, and moved around, so that it was perfect for there age. As the Doctor went to wake Martha up and show her, it hit him why the room was so girly.

He ran out of the nursery, and practically jumped on Martha.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up." Martha stirred under the blanket.

"What is all the fuss about?" She asked, eyes still closed.

"Wake up and I'll tell you!"

"Okay, okay, I'm up." Martha sleepily replied. She propped herself up, but her eyes were still closed.

"Your eyes are still closed." The Doctor stated.

"Yeah, and?"

The Doctor moved his face closed to Martha's, and quietly whispered. "Open them."

Martha felt the Doctor's warm breath on her face, and slowly opened her eyes, to see him beaming down at her.

A wide grin spread across the Doctor's face.

"Martha, I know what sex the baby is!" He said excitedly.

"How? Have you been running tests on me whilst I've been asleep?"

"No course not! There's a room, but you can't go in it if you don't want to know. If you do, I'll tell you. If not, then your banned from the room next door."

"Tell me, I want to know."

The Doctor took a deep breath. "Okay. Martha, were going to have a girl!"

Martha's face lit up. "Aw, a little girl. Aw!" Martha's eyes began to well up.

"Come here you." The Doctor moved closer to Martha and wrapped his arms around her.

He rocked her gently from side to side, trying to hide the fact, that he was crying himself, but not because he was happy, not because he was sad, but because he was scared.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor led Martha into the nursery. She gasped when she saw it. She began to walk around it, taking in each detail, admiring the Tardis' handy work.

"It's amazing. No, more than amazing. I can't even think of a word to describe it."

"I know." The Doctor wrapped his arms around Martha's waist. They both stood there silently ,taking in their surroundings. Tears of joy continued to fall from their eyes.

"How did she do this?" Martha asked, still looking around the room, astonished.

"Because the baby is half Timelord," the Doctor began, "she was able to telepathically link with the foetus, and find out what it's like. So, already, she is trying to help the pregnancy run smoothly. She sooths the baby when it gets restless, and knows pretty much everything about her. She's like a second Mother."

Martha smiled. "That's amazing." She replied. Martha broke away from the Doctor's hold, and walked over to the wall. The gently placed her hand on it, and whispered 'thank-you'.

The Doctor laughed. "If someone just walked in then, they would think your going crazy."

Martha gave a weak smile, still feeling a little overwhelmed about what the Tardis had done for her, the Doctor, and her unborn baby.

"I would of loved a room like this when I was a kid." Martha said aloud.

"Yeah, I can't remember mine much. I just remember playing with exploding building blocks." Martha gave the Doctor a stern look. "Of course, our darling little daughter won't be any where near them."

"Good." Martha smiled gently at the Doctor.

"But, I really think if you gave them a -" Martha cut him off.

"No." She told him.

"Okay." The Doctor smiled. "I guess now we know, we can think of a name for her, because, I don't really want to keep calling her 'The Baby', or 'Her.'

"I know what you mean. I'll have a think." Martha smiled. "Well, there's nothing we can do in here now, there isn't really much to do. I'm going to read or something, otherwise I'll spend all day in here, just looking around."

The Doctor smiled back at her. "I know what you mean, if you happen to find any books on half timelord half human pregnancies, could you let me know?"

Martha chuckled. "Okay then." She turned around, and walked out of the room, leaving the Doctor in there alone.

He walked around the room again. Touching the walls, taking in the swirly detail on the crib, remembering the dresses that the teddies were wearing. He wanted to gather as much detail he could. He felt it made him closer to his baby. He didn't know why, he just felt it needed doing. He needed to know everything about her surroundings before she came into this world. Maybe, it was just father instinct, to know what surrounds your child, and what you need to protect them from. But, most fathers aren't nine hundred year old Time Lords, that have run into various aliens.

That was another thing that was worrying the Doctor. He couldn't travel to all the places he wanted, but maybe that was worth it for a child. He could travel with her when she was older, show her amazing places, teach her incredible things. If she wanted of course. He wasn't going to force space travel on her. That wouldn't be fair.

The Doctor left the room in search of Martha. He walked into the kitchen, and found her sitting at the breakfast bar, eating a bowl of olives. She held her hands up in defence.

"I'm sorry." She began, "I know they are bad for me, loads of salt blah blah blah, but I can't help it."

The Doctor laughed. "It's fine, I'm not annoyed." Martha smiled, and moved the bowl to the sink. When she turned around, she saw the Doctor's hazel eyes beaming down on her. The Doctor swooped her up into a massive hug. Martha loved his hugs. Although he was stick thin, she still felt like she was being hugged by a massive duvet.

"I love you." The Doctor whispered into Martha's hair.

"I love you to." She replied, tightening her grip around him.

Martha's knees began to feel weak. It wasn't because she was around the Doctor, her knees felt like they were giving in. The Doctor felt Martha slip from their embrace, and caught her before she fell to the floor. He picked her up, and held her bridal style.

"That's weird. My knees just gave in....." A look of confusion spread across Martha's face.

"I'm thinking, and, I may be wrong, but it's a sign that you need rest. I'm taking you to bed." Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really?" She asked cheekily.

"Not like that. So you can sleep." Martha's eyebrow sunk back to it's normal position. She smiled softly at the Doctor.

"You know, I'm not sure if I told you, but with the pregnancy, you're likely to experience things, that aren't really 'normal'"

Martha raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you know, like completely irregular sleeping patterns, craving olives, things like that. Things, that are really weird, and out of the ordinary."

"Oh, okay then." Martha's eyebrow retreated to it's normal position, in line with the other. She tightened her grip around the Doctor's neck, and nestled into his chest, as he carried her to their bedroom.

The Doctor kicked the door open with his leg, and gently placed Martha on the bed. He smiled down at her, and began to walk away, but Martha grabbed his hand.

"Please, stay with me." She spoke softly. The Doctor smiled warmly, and moved around next to Martha. He held her in his arms, until she gently drifted to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry i'm being so slow with this. But i'm getting there. The next chapter should be up soon, but i'm not sure how soon. So, here we go. :)**

Martha woke violently, sweat dripping down her face. She could feel that the bed was empty, it was just her melting. She tried to prop herself up on the pillow using her elbows, but she didn't have the physical strength to do it. Confused, Martha began to wonder about what was wrong. She felt her head. It was burning. Martha removed the covers from herself, with what little strength she had, but was hit by the chilling air. As soon as she replaced the covers, she burned up again. _What the hell is wrong with me!_ She thought in her head. Her thoughts were interrupted when the Doctor flew into the room.

"Hello Martha." The Doctor said sweetly. He placed a cup on the night stand and looked at Martha from head to toe. She struggled, trying to move the cover away from her. "No, you have to leave it on honey. I know your hot, but it's important that you keep warm, I'll get the Tardis to cool the room a bit." As soon as the words escaped his mouth, a soft humming came through the walls of the bedroom. The Tardis was already at work, doing her best to help Martha.

"Doctor," Martha weakly croaked, "what's going on. What's wrong with me?"

The Doctor's face fell. "I'm, I'm not to sure Martha. I've searched the library for every possible book on your unknown condition, and I've looked in pregnancy books, to see if it's an extreme side affect, but I've come up with nothing. I really, do not know what's wrong with you. I searched the Doctor's room for antidotes, and all I came up with was this," he pointed to the glass which contained a liquid a questionable colour of brown. "It's the only thing I think will help you."

Martha's heart sank. The Doctor was annoyed with himself, for not knowing the answers. She didn't blame him, she couldn't.

"Hang on, you have a Doctor's room?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yeah, more of the Tardis' handy work, it's like a mini ward, complete with a bed, and things that will make the birth run more smoothly."

"Oh right." Martha thought about the birth. She hadn't recently. All that was on her mind was the little tiny thing growing inside of her, she hadn't got to the part when it came out. Martha wasn't exactly the toughest cookie in the jar. Mentally, yes. Physically, no. It just made her feel worse thinking about the amount of pain she would go through.

"Martha, are you okay? All the colour has completely drained from your face."

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Okay. Look, I know it's hard, but I really think you need to sleep. I'll turn the lights down. I'll keep checking in on you every half an hour or so, just to make sure your okay."

Martha nodded weekly, and then rested her head on the pillow. As she drifted, she felt the Doctor kiss her lightly on the forehead. He whispered something that sounded like 'I love you Martha Jones', but Martha didn't have the strength to open her eyes, or reply. She just smiled weakly.

The Doctor moved around the medical room in search of anything he could find at all that would help Martha. He had an idea of what was wrong with her, but he didn't even want to think about it. He certainly wasn't going to tell her about it. After all, it was just an idea, he wasn't certain.

The Doctor was the kind of man that had to know what was going on. He liked a good guessing game, but not when it came to people that he loved. And not knowing what was wrong with Martha, not being able to help her, made him even more determined. But there's only so much searching one person can do.

He carefully studied the cabinets containing different types of human medicine. Giving up after looking for the third time, he decided to go and check on Martha.

As he opened the door, he looked across at the bed. Martha was shaking violently. Very violently. He walked as calmly as he could over to her. Sweat was dripping from her face.

"Martha, whats going on?" He asked.

"I'm, I'm, so so cold." She stammered.

The Doctor felt her head. It was freezing, but the room was so hot.

"Martha, your, your frozen. I'm going to get some hot water bottles, and anything else that might help warm you up. Have you had that drink I gave you."

Martha looked across at the full mug of brown liquid on her nightstand. "Apparently not." The Doctor said. He sounded annoyed, but tried to hide it by smiling softly. Martha was too ill to care.

As soon as the Doctor closed the door behind him, he ran into the kitchen, boiling the kettle. He looked around the cupboards for the hot water bottle. He needed something else, this wasn't going to be enough to heat her up. The kettle finished boiling, and he carefully poured the water into the spout of the bottle. Having some water left over, he decided to try something. He got the washing up bowl from the sink, and poured the remaining water into it. He carefully carried it to the bedroom.

"I'll be back, don't touch that."

Martha didn't even look up.

He then went to get the hot water bottle from the kitchen. When he returned, he put the water bottle under the duvet at the foot of the bed. The Doctor walked into the bathroom, collecting towels and flannels. His idea was that using the boiling water from the bowl, he would dampen the towels and flannels, and dab them on Martha's face, hands, and neck, in an attempt to heat her up.

When he returned to the bedroom, Martha was still shaking, but not as violently. He plunged the flannel into the boiling water, careful not to burn his hands. He then drained the access water off, and moved over to Martha.

"This might be a little bit hot, and it might sting a little, but hopefully it will work." The Doctor slowly moved the hot flannel towards Martha's face. Martha jumped as it touched her face.

"To hot?" He asked.

"N-n-n-n-no." She stuttered, "I-i-it's n-n-nice, I'-m-m-m-m j-j-j-ust s-s-s-so c-c-cold."

The Doctor pressed the flannel closer to Martha's forehead. He then moved it around her face, over her cheeks, on her chin, down to her neck. Martha's eyes fluttered closed, and the Doctor knew all her senses were in tact. Smiling to himself, he continued to warm her up, going back over her face when he had finished her neck.

"That's, that's really nice." Martha softly stated.

"Your not stammering anymore." The Doctor put the flannel back in the bowl.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to stop."

"I can tell your feeling better." The Doctor replied, still kneeling next to Martha.

"I am thanks. Your very good at urm, being a Doctor." Martha rolled her eyes.

"Well, they don't call me The Doctor for no reason. Apart from the fact it's my name, but yeah."

Martha chuckled. Already feeling ten times better.

"What did you do? I feel much better. I feel like Martha Jones again. My stomach feels a bit weird, but I health wise, I feel okay."

"Not alot, you seemed to do most of it yourself. That was a pretty quick recovery."

"Well, as quick as it was, I feel pretty disgusting, so I'm going to have a shower."

"Okay, well, I'll leave you for a bit." The Doctor placed a light kiss on Martha's lips. She smiled up at him, and watched him walk out of the room.

Martha then threw the covers off the bed, and walked into the bathroom for her shower.

The Doctor walked out of the bedroom, moisture filling his eyes. He should be happy, Martha was well. But, he had a pretty good idea what was to come. And, that was why he was crying. He walked into the kitchen, and boiled the kettle. As he made his drink of tea, he made no effort to hide the tears that flowed from his eyes. He needed to do it now, before Martha knew, and so that he could comfort her, when the time came.

He stood in the kitchen for what seemed like hours, but really was only twenty minutes. He heard Martha close the shower door, and frantically dried his eyes. Martha walked out a few minutes later, and sat down at the breakfast bar.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Yeah thanks, my stomach still feels a bit weird though."

"Hunger?"

"No, it's like urm, sickness, but not. I'll be alright in a bit. I get this all the time." Martha stopped. Going over what she just said.

"Okay." The Doctor replied, not really with it, just sort of watching her.

Suddenly, Martha grabbed her stomach. The colour completely drained from her face. Her eyes filled with water. And she whispered. "Oh God."

Martha ran out of the kitchen, straight into the bathroom. The Doctor heard the door slam shut behind her. His eyes filled up again. The tears cascaded from his eyes, as he slowly walked to the bathroom.

As he walked into the bedroom, he could hear Martha sobbing. He placed his hands on the door, and rested his head, as he and Martha, sobbed for what they had lost.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here it is guys :D. Thankyou for all the lovleyyy reviews, even though I'm the worst person EVER for replyingg, I WILL ;D I read every single one of them, and I'm grateful for all of them. I'm not sure if this is the last chapter. It might be. I hope you like it :) **

The Doctor moved to sit on the edge of the bed. His mind, brilliant as it was, was a complete mess. He only had one focus, one 'plan', comforting Martha. The tears continued to stream from his eyes, but he made no sound. He was waiting for Martha. He wasn't going to knock, and ask her when she was coming out. He was going to wait for her. When she was ready to see him, she would come out.

The Doctor sat there crying silently. Just starring into space. About thirty minutes later, he heard Martha move around the bathroom. The toilet flushed. He waited calmly, patiently for the door to open. A few minutes later it did.

The Doctor wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do when he saw Martha. He guessed that instinct would take over. He would do what he felt right. So he just stayed, sitting on the bed. Martha's eyes were red and puffy. Her breathing uneasy. It broke the Doctor's hearts to see her like this. He whispered. "Come here."

He helled his arms open for her, and she accepted his invitation. Rocking her gently, they cried together. Martha sobbed, struggling to breathe. He listened to her unsteady breathing, her hysterical sobbing. It was the sound, of her heart breaking.

The Doctor comforted Martha as best as he could. There was nothing he could say. Everything the Doctor thought about saying, made no sense, or didn't seem right. It didn't fit the moment, and it wasn't time to talk. So he just helled her, and let her sob into his shoulder.

Moments passed until one of them moved. Martha moved her away from the Doctor. He looked at her, his arms still around her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and had been cried dry.

"It, it seems silly doesn't it, getting so upset about it. How can you miss something you never had?" Martha sounded lost. Her words pained the Doctor.

"Oh, Martha, don't say that. We had her. She was apart of us. She was still as real as you or I. We always had her."

Martha looked up at the Doctor. "But really, I mean, I never even held her. We never even had a name for her. And now, well she's gone now! We will never have her! She's just the invisible child."

The Doctor felt a surge of pain run through his veins. Why was Martha being so heartless?

"Martha. She was and still is our daughter. I will not have you talking about her like she never existed. She may not be with us now, but she is somewhere else, and she is happy and safe. She was a living being, alive in you. So don't talk about her like she is nothing."

"But that's just it. She was. Was, as in present tense. As in been and gone. As in forgotten."

"Martha. Listen to yourself. Hear what you are saying. We may never of held her, or named her, talked to her, but we knew her. We loved her. She was our child."

Martha's face dropped. "I, your right. I'm just, I'm just so annoyed. It's all my fault."

"It's not Martha." He pulled her closer to his body. "I saw the warning signs, but didn't want to believe. I didn't even want to think about it. Maybe if I had researched it a bit mo-" Martha cut him off.

"You knew?" It was more like a demand than a question.

"Well, I had an idea."

"When?"

"When you were ill. I couldn't find any answers, so that was my 'idea.' I know now that it was your body rejecting the baby. I mean, it was half timelord, and the odds were low. It makes sense now. Only a few human women can carry half timelord babies."

"You knew, and you never gave a thought to telling me. You never thought I had a right to know what was going on, inside my own body?" Martha's voice got louder. She removed the Doctor's arms from around her harshly, and stood up to face him. "You knew, that our baby was dieing inside of me, and you never gave a thought to tell me!" Martha was yelling at him now. "You could have saved her! We are both Doctor's you know! I could have helped."

The Doctor's face was sorrowful. "Martha, there was nothing that we could of-"

"Don't. Don't you dare tell me, that there was nothing we could of done. Don't tell me it's not my fault. Just don't."

"But Martha I-."

She screamed at him. "DON'T." The tears poured from her eyes. "I don't want to speak to you. I don't want to look at you."

"Martha I'm so-"

"GET OUT." Martha sobbed. "GET OUT." The Doctor stood up, and walked out of the bedroom. As soon as he closed the door, Martha fell to the bed, on her knees, sobbing.

The Doctor walked away from the door. His eyes were filling with tears. He walked into the baby's room. As he opened the door, a sea of pain washed through him. The room would never be used. He figured that the Tardis would soon remove it, when neither of them were looking, and so, he walked around the room. He traced the pattern on the crib with his fingers, just as he had when he first walked in. He looked at the teddy bears in the crib. Spun the mobile above it, and looked at all the toys waiting to be played with. But they wouldn't ever be needed.

The Doctor slumped to the ground, unable to see anything now as the tears overfilled from his eyes. He looked around him and saw a large brown bear sitting near him. He picked it up and looked at it. Again, taking in the detail. He hugged it to his chest, and sobbed. He sobbed until his tears ran dry. The top of the bears head was soaked in his tears. Suddenly, anger over took the Doctor. Grabbing the bears body, he threw it against the wall, as hard as he could. The bear bounced from the wall, and softly fell to the floor, wearing the same 'bear grin' it did before the Doctor threw it. He didn't feel better. He couldn't. He could completely trash the room, throw the crib across the floor, pull down the wallpaper, and rip all the teddy bears, but he couldn't. Somehow, the room felt like apart of him. Apart of his child. He couldn't ever destroy that.

Hours passed as the Doctor sat in the nursery starring at the point on the wall were the bear had bounced off. He was in a trance, but perfectly aware of what was going on around him, which wasn't alot. He assumed that Martha was still in the bedroom, he didn't hear her move around it, or out of it, so she was more than likely in there. He wasn't entirely sure how to handle Martha anymore. What she had said was completely out of line in the Doctor's eyes. Yet, he wasn't angry with her. He didn't want to start an argument, not at all. All he really wanted was Martha with him, in his arms. The Doctor was just worried that something would happen that would result with Martha walking out, and not coming back. It scared the Doctor. Probably the only thing that could scare him. He had lost her once before, and wasn't going to do it again.

He heard footsteps out side, knocking him out of his trance. He straightened up against the wall, and looked over at the door.

Martha appeared, her face red, and her eyes puffy. The Doctor looked at her with dry eyes. She closed the door and then walked over to were the Doctor was sat. Kneeling, she tried to speak, starting her sentences with "I-" but then cutting off. The Doctor only needed to hear it to believe, he could see it, but he didn't to hear it from her. He needed to know.

"I'm so sorry." She breathed. Martha looked down at her hands on her lap. The Doctor took them in his own, and pulled her close.

"Me to." He said, silent tears drifting down his face. He and Martha gently swayed for a few moments, before Martha spoke.

"I love you." She whispered. The Doctor pulled Martha away from him, her face in his hands, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"You better had do." He sobbed and then smiled weakly. Martha gave out a watery chuckle, smiling half heartedly.

Martha wiped her hands over her eyes, attempting to dry her tears. She moved her hands away, revealing her almost dry face. "Tea?" Martha asked.

The Doctor stood up, also drying his eyes. "Tea." He replied, holding out his hand for Martha. She took it, and then wrapped her arm around the Doctor's waist. He placed his arm over her shoulder, as they walked to the kitchen together.

Martha broke away from the Doctor and started making the tea. He watched her intently as she moved quickly around the kitchen. She placed the mugs on the side, throwing a spoon in each.

Facing away from the Doctor, her hands on the worktop, she began to speak.

"Look , Doctor. I don't feel that there are enough words or even the right words to explain how awful I feel. It's not because we lost a baby, well partly, but not completely. It's because I hurt you so much. I-" The Doctor interrupted her.

"Martha, it's not your fault. You don't need to be sorry, you couldn't help it."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about how I reacted. How I handled it. How badly I hurt you." She stopped and looked up at the Doctor, moving away from the work bench, she turned to face him. "I said some awful things. If I could take them back I would. I don't know why I told you 'get out' when I needed you with me. I don't know why I said those things about our child. I don't know why I snapped at you for protecting me. I don't know why I acted like bitch. I was scared. I was hurt. I felt like I had lost apart of me. And I sent away the only person that could make me whole again. The only person that could heal me. I sent away my Doctor. I was so scared that you were going to walk out and never come back. I wouldn't blame you if you did, but seeing you on the nursery floor, was just- "

"Martha Jones," The Doctor interrupted. "I will never, ever leave you. I need you, just as much as you need me, possibly even more. We will get through this together."

Martha smiled weakly. "I'm just, sorry." She breathed, looking up at his hazel eyes.

The Doctor walked over to Martha, swooping her up in a hug. She felt his warm body against hers, it was comforting and familiar.

The Doctor breathed into her hair. "I love you." He said.

"You better had do." She replied, moving away from the Doctor, to see him chuckling lightly.

The kettle boiled and Martha moved over to the kettle, pouring out the water into the mugs, then stirring.

"I couldn't leave anyway." The Doctor started. "It's my Tardis."


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn't easy. They struggled. They fought, and they cried. But slowly, the empty space that the baby had left gently began to fill. Food found it's taste again, laughs weren't shortly followed with guilty sighs, and life moved forward.

Of course they never forgot, it was a constant reminder of what they nearly had, but it made them realize what they do have. Each other. Months passed, and together, they got through it.

However, part of them still had that yearning to be a parent. To hold their own child. The Doctor had already had that experience, back on Galifrey he was a father, and Martha knew the loss of their child was ten times worse for him, because it was a reminder of what he did have, and what he lost. Martha thought it would be impossible to ever get pregnant with a Timelords baby again, or at least have a successful pregnancy, and had ruled it out. She and the Doctor hadn't even really talked about having children. That was, until the Doctor brought it up…..

One Sunday afternoon, Martha and the Doctor sat in the living room, Martha's head buried inside a magazine, the Doctor analysing his sonic, pointing it at the TV every now and then.

"Martha?" The Doctor said.

"Hm?" She replied, engrossed in her magazine.

"We can have a baby you know."

"Yeah sure." Martha continued to follow the words on the page with her eyes. The Doctor watched her, following her eyes. They stopped suddenly, as Martha re thought what the Doctor had said. She turned her head from the magazine.

"I'm sorry what?"

"It's possible, for us, to have a baby."

"But, I thought we couldn't, because it's too complicated."

"It is, in ways, but part of it's natural, it would just mean analysing you twenty four seven. And making sure everything is running smoothly. Of course it wouldn't be like staying in a hospital, it would be a lot more homely, and you'd be more comfortable. We might have to stop travelling for a bit though? There is another way though, it's a bit more…difficult."

Martha sat there, digesting what the Doctor had just said.

"So, we can have a baby?"

"Yeah." The Doctor smiled warmly.

"The thing is though. I want a baby, but I don't want a baby right now. I mean, could you really give up travelling? I'd rather do it now, whilst I'm young and I can run around and chase after you, or run away from whatever is chasing us. Than now, with a pram, and a screaming baby…the two just don't gel well together. Plus, there is the age problem. Having a baby seemed like a good idea when I was pregnant, but now it seems a bit too complicated at the moment."

The Doctor knew exactly what Martha was talking about, and he knew she was right. Martha would age, whilst the Doctor wouldn't. He would regenerate. And he would have to watch Martha get older, and then have to bring up the children on his own. But then…

"Martha, there is a way to sort the age problem out, I mean, it's possible, but it's not a decision I can make."

"What is it?" Martha said urgently, closing the magazine, and tossing it on the floor.

"I can't tell you Martha, because I know exactly what you will do. You'll say yes, and it's not the right way to make the decision. I can't influence it in anyway, you have to choose for yourself."

"Okay, I think I understand, without really understanding, but I trust you I guess. How will I know though?"

"There might be a point, a time, where you have to make a decision, or you figure it out for yourself, but it'll be then that you decide what you want to do."

"Okay, I get it I think. And this decision will?"

"Allow you to have my children yes, but it will also alter something else. Because it's such a huge decision, I don't want to be the one to make that decision for you. In anyway. You have to do it yourself."

Martha pondered over what the Doctor had said, thinking it through. Ideas were floating around her head, ideas of what might be the decision. She had a feeling it was something about changing herself, so if she could carry a baby, she would have to change her…

"So anyway, fancy a trip?" The Doctor said, interrupting Martha's thoughts.

"Yeah, sure. Surprise me." Martha smiled, standing up, and following the Doctor as their new adventure began.


End file.
